today in the publix check-out line
- guy checking out in front of me, like mid-40s or something: do you have a mother?
- me: um
- guy: yeah, all this is for my mother. that for yours?
- me: yeah
- [guy bounces his basket and bumps me in the ass]
- guy: sorry! that was me. i mean, it wasn't me [makes ass-grabbing gesture], but it was me. ha! it's publix though, right? so shopping is a pleasure. a plea-sure.
- me: oh yeah
- guy: "oh yeah."
- check-out man, to guy: will that be all for you?
- guy: [to him] "oh yeah." [to me] ha! have a good mother's day. [leaves]
- check-out man, like mid-70s or something with deep Chahhhhlston-esque drawl: that boy was hitting on you.
- me: pardon?
- man: you didn't even give him a chance.
- me: oh
- man: you're a little uptight, aren't cha?
- me: i guess.
- man: you guess. well here. i'll make it easy on you then. now i'm hitting on you. what are you going to do about that?
- me: ...
- man: i'm serious.
- me: well, you're a little old.
- man: ouch. that was blunt. no free coupons for you.
- me: sorry
- man: no, now it's out there, and you can't take it back. [winking at girl behind me] hey there, how are you doing?
- me: ...
- man: go on now, dahhlin, you've had your chance.
- I love everything about this.
